Welcome to Nshineworld!
My name is Nichole and I am here to help you understand this confusing, complicated dating world that we live in.
Dating has changed so much since the dawn of technology, particularly since smartphones became immensely popular. Now, we can download apps that help us meet new people like Tinder and Bumble. We can go from being single one week to in a relationship the next. It’s so incredibly easy to meet new people now. Back when smartphones and the internet didn’t exist, people met through other friends, or through work or school. Other than these avenues, it was pretty much impossible to meet people. Often people would marry someone or start a serious relationship simply because there was no one better around.
Now, we’ve become spoiled with options. Don’t like the guy you’re dating? Get on Tinder and swipe through to find a new one. We have so many options for meeting people now that we’ve become overwhelmed with choices. This, it turns out, can be a great option, but it can also bog us down in the long run. “Keeping our options open” is now the norm. In a world where we can have millions of food options delivered to us through an app and where we can discover millions of new websites, it was only a matter of time before apps that facilitated relationships came along.
When I started college, I saw a dating phenomenon. Back in my tiny hometown, serious relationships were the norm. Nobody really dated other people or explored their options. In college, it was different. Dating and hooking up casually was the status quo. No strings attached, no promises and very few rules. This culture of dating seemed intriguing at first, but I quickly learned that this culture wasn’t what my friends and I wanted. I would see my friends continuously get hurt over hooking up with guys who were interested in other girls besides them. I would hear my friends complain about the men they hooked up with, and how no one wanted to take them on dates. I would hear about the frustration over the lack of eligible men. My friends always complained that guys didn’t want to be in a relationship with them, they only wanted to hook up. Eventually, it made me sad. Not only was I tired of seeing my friends hurt, I was also tired of the culture that I was in that accepted this type of behavior.
My friends and peers insisted that this “open dating” concept was what they really wanted. “I’m in college, I’m too busy to have a boyfriend”. “He’s nice but I just don’t want a relationship with him.” “I’m just waiting until someone better comes along.” “I like that I’m not tied down to anyone right now.” These statements were ‘feminist’ to them–“I’m a feminist because I don’t have a boyfriend that I answer to.” “I’m a feminist because I don’t care that much about men or their acceptance of me.” “I’m a feminist because I am disdainful of women who marry and have kids too young.”
The hard part of hearing them make these statements was that I knew that they were lying. Of course they wanted to have a boyfriend, or at least a pleasant guy who was willing to take them out. They would hook up with guys in the hopes that it would become something more, but be crushed when the guy didn’t reciprocate her feelings. My friends would settle for less, when I knew that they could date incredible men.
Their proclamations and behavior frustrated me to no end. Why were my friends and peers settling? Why were they wasting their time on men who would never come through? And most importantly, why are we all so screwed up when it comes to dating? The college dating scene had few rules and an open concept. Many of my peers and friends came from broken homes and did not have good relationship models in their lives. These aspects lead to confusion among my peers over what being in a relationship and dating someone actually means.
When I look on the internet, I see so many websites dedicated to helping readers lose weight, land the perfect job, or adopt a new, healthy lifestyle. These are all extremely important parts of life, don’t get me wrong. But there are hardly any websites on how we can have successful, happy relationships that don’t consist of one-night stands or open relationships.
We can blame the media for promoting unhealthy and unrealistic relationships (here’s looking at you Disney movies). We can blame our parents for their lack of stability in relationships, and we can even blame social norms such as the pressure to get married and have kids.
We don’t learn these concepts in school.
We don’t learn how to eat healthily or get a job either, but the internet has realized this and picked up the slack.
However, not that many people have picked up on the concept of teaching and encouraging healthy relationships. College and young adulthood are very formative times in our lives. We are just learning who we are and how we react in certain situations. We are discovering what we want, not only in our careers and friendships, but also in our dating lives.
At first, I tried to do a ‘lifestyle’ blog that focused on certain concepts such as eating healthily and meditation. All super important concepts, don’t get me wrong. However, I realized that there is already so much information out there on eating healthily and exercising. Our culture is obsessed with being healthy. This makes a lot of sense considering how in the US there is so much added junk in our food and our relationship with food is so fucked up.
We aren’t obsessed with creating healthy, fulfilling relationships though.
Hardly anyone is given a guide on how to make them work, and that’s why the divorce rate is 50% and growing. Stereotypically, Millennial women are obsessed with their careers, traveling and friendships.
Women who want a traditional relationship and a family are shamed for wanting this (shaming women for wanting this kind of life negates your whole feminist mentality btw). Women who care about how men see them and women who desire a boyfriend are shamed as, “pathetic”.
As soon as I realized this, nshineworld 2.0 was born.
My vision came so strongly to me that I couldn’t not pursue this. I envisioned an honest, candid blog that spelled out the truth about young women’s relationships, and engaging with my audience to hear their opinions and insights.
This blog is dedicated to all young women who are struggling in relationships, and also to women who are bogged down by choices. It’s dedicated to women who want to utilize dating sites and apps to their advantage. It’s dedicated to women who want to find someone that they’re truly compatible with. It’s for women who want to be strategic and mindful about their dating lives, instead of dating whoever comes along.
I combine advice from the world’s top experts in dating, love, and relationships so that you are well-versed in dating, love, and relationships!
I also provide multiple PDF’s, course and e-books that are designed to help you. I’m all about good old-fashioned advice giving, but I think actionable steps are SUPER important to helping people. I want people to ACTUALLY act on the advice I give them. Yeah, you can give advice on something until you’re blue in the face. BUT, people are likely not going to remember your advice or they aren’t going to follow it because they don’t know where to start. If you break it down for them and make it seem simple, it’s way easier for them to actually take action. That’s why I try to provide advice that lends itself to actual step-taking. That way, you can take the right steps to make your relationship or your dating life better.
We all deserve to have a great relationship. We all deserve happy, fulfilling dating lives.
This blog is dedicated to you, dear reader. I want to help you. The joy of helping others fulfill their potential is what keeps me going. It motivates me to get out of bed in the morning. I want to help you fall in love with the right person and cultivate a healthy relationship with them in this world of dating apps and confusion. You deserve this more than anything, and I want to do my part to help you have one.
Please make comments, suggestions, feedback on my posts. Your participation is what will improve my content.
Also, if you have a problem that’s complicated, Ask Nshineworld! It’s my weekly advice column that is meant to help those in complicated situations.