We all know the big warning signs–he’s cheating on you, you’re bored when you’re with him, he’s rude or abusive, etc. But the subtle warning signs that a relationship isn’t working are harder to spot. Maybe there are many aspects of your relationship that are awesome, but underneath the surface there are some issues that are bothering you. Sometimes we push these worries away, thinking that they are invalid and that you shouldn’t worry. I encourage you to listen to your gut and start analyzing your relationship!
It can be hard to find the subtle signs that your relationship isn’t working, especially if you love your partner and you don’t want to break up. However, I’m gonna ask you to take a long, hard look at your relationship and be honest with yourself. It’s not too late to fix the relationship, but noticing the warning signs is the first step to changing the relationship.
Here are five subtle signs that your relationship isn’t working:
1. They don’t support your goals
Let’s say you’re trying to lose 20 pounds for health reasons. You are making changes in your life for your health and you’re happy with your decision. If your partner doesn’t support this goal for whatever reason, like he thinks you look good at your size or if you don’t need to lose weight at all, this is a big warning sign. He clearly doesn’t care about supporting your goals and helping you. A partner should support you and your goals no matter what their personal opinion is.
2. They don’t care about getting to know you
Now I’m sure at this point in the relationship your partner probably knows a lot about you. They probably know how much you hate your job and how ice cream is your favorite food. But if your partner isn’t asking about you or trying to get to know you on a deeper level, this is a big warning sign. A partner who truly loves you wants to get to know you better, and not just in a superficial way. They’ll ask you questions about your life, your family, your aspirations. If they don’t necessarily ask, but they’re willing to talk about it, that’s not a big deal. Some men are not great conversationalists and they don’t think to ask first sometimes. But if your partner is making the relationship all about them, or, worse, if you know all about them and they haven’t bothered to ask about you, this is a big issue.
3. They don’t care about your problems
If you had a bad day at work or a fight with a family member, your partner is probably the first person you want to tell about it. You want to have that time to vent and process your feelings. But if your partner doesn’t want to talk about your problems, or brushes them off as if they aren’t a big deal, this is a HUGE warning sign. Part of being a good partner is allowing your partner to vent to you about their issues.
4. They have different values than you do
Having similar values is part of what makes a relationship work. If he likes to stay in on a Saturday night and you like to go out, this may eventually become a problem. If you want a family and children while he’s more suited to travel the world it could be hard to have a future with him. If your values are vastly different you shouldn’t be together. Now, values can change over time. For example, you may like going out on a Saturday night in your twenties but in your thirties you may not be as inclined to go out on a Saturday. Values can change overtime, especially if you’re young, but some big values never change. You’ll know if your partner is right for you if they share values that are important to you. If you don’t share those important values, being together may not be the best idea.
5. Being with them makes you sad
If your partner is the type of person that consistently brings you down, this is a big warning sign. If he’s having a bad day or going through depression, these are trickier situations. But if he’s constantly complaining and it’s affecting your mood, you should talk to him about how you’re feeling. If he doesn’t listen, that’s too bad. Life is too short to spend time with people that make you unhappy.
Now, not all hope is lost yet. You should talk to your partner about how you’re feeling if your relationship is showing any of these signs. If they really love you, they will listen and try to work on it. Open communication is necessary if you want to make a relationship work, and you can’t get something unless you ask for it. Some men are genuinely clueless about their behavior and they just need a reminder to change it. However, if your partner continues to not care for you and your feelings, the relationship probably isn’t working. You should cut your losses now and move on. I know it’s hard to hear but it’s true. If someone refuses to change, a healthy relationship will never work. You should give yourself the freedom and opportunity to find someone that cares about you.